This is the second article of our three-part Trust series for small business owners who are growing teams. If you missed the first article on The Key to Building Trust as a Leader, be sure to check it out first! And follow-up with part three on Building A Team You Can Trust.

Last week, we talked about trust. What trust is, why self-trust is important when growing your team, and ways that a lack of trust in yourself can lead to serious (but preventable!) issues when leading a team.

This week, I want to share some ways you can develop your self-trust. As I mentioned before, if we don't trust ourselves as leaders it will be nearly impossible to trust others, which can lead to dysfunctions in your team.

Let's start with first understanding what self-trust is not.

Self-trust DOESN'T mean:

• Knowing (or having) all the answers

• Always making the right decision or taking the right action

• Being arrogant, cocky, or overly confident

• Thinking you're the only one who can do anything right

These can all lead to toxic leadership traits such as developing an authoritarian style (the "my way or the highway" mentality) and setting unfair and/or unrealistic expectations (no one can learn an entire job in one day or one week).

What does healthy self-trust really look like?

Self-trust is defined by Merriam-Webster as "great faith in oneself or one's abilities." It's a mindset of, "I know that whatever comes my way, I can handle it," because you feel safe relying on your own mental, physical, and emotional abilities and resilience.

Self-trust DOES mean:

• Confidence, but not arrogance

• Clarity about what you want and need

• Learning from your successes and failures

• Not punishing yourself when you make mistakes

• Healthy interdependence (not overly dependent on others to where you can't function alone nor hyper-independent to where you never ask for help)

That all sounds pretty great, right? So, how do you develop self-trust?

Here are 3 powerful ways you can start developing a greater sense of self-trust today:

1. Reflect on the past

   We have all experienced self-trust at one time or another. I find it helpful to reflect on those times and tap into the experience's thoughts and emotions to help build your self-trust. Think about a time when you had to lean on your own knowledge to make a decision (it doesn't have to be work-related).

   Use the following questions to journal about this experience:

   • What was the situation?

   • Why did I have to make this decision on my own?

   • What steps did I take to make this decision?

   • How did I feel before, during, and after making the decision?

   • What can I learn from this experience?

   • How can I tap into this same sense of self-trust again?

2. Listen to yourself first

   Take the time to listen to what's in your own heart and mind before seeking input from others. Leaning on others is great (and important when leading a team!), unless you lose sight of your own unique perspective and knowing.

   Anytime you need to make a decision over the next month, take time to sit with it yourself before reaching out for help.

   Carve out 30 minutes (or even a full 24 hours if you have the time!) to sit with the decision alone and ask yourself:

   • What is my initial reaction to this decision (name it – excitement, fear, hope, worry, etc.)?

   • What feels like the right choice in my heart?

   • Have I had to decide this before?

   • If so, what was the outcome, and how do I feel about it in hindsight?

   • If I were the only person in the world who could make this decision, what would I decide and why?

3. Think better thoughts

   If you have a hard time trusting yourself, chances are high that you've struggled with negative self-talk and/or self-criticism. In my book, Transform Your Stories, I help women understand and overcome the toxic stories that lead them to believe they're not good enough, smart enough, or capable of becoming a leader.

   My favorite question to ask in times of doubt, uncertainty, or self-criticism is, "Is this true?" followed by, "If this is not true, what's true instead?" By asking these questions, we focus squarely on the facts of the situation.

   When you get right down to it, chances are high that a lot of what you've been telling yourself isn't true and you're much more capable than you currently believe. (I wrote this book based on my own personal experiences with toxic thoughts and beliefs, which I share in detail throughout the book. You are certainly not alone!) 

Building self-trust is a journey and not something that will happen overnight. With time, practice, and a little compassion, you can develop a greater sense of self-trust that will serve you as a leader, business owner, and human being.

Which one of the 3 ways to build self-trust will you try first and why?

Authored by Ashley Cox, PHR, SHRM-CP

When you're ready to learn Building A Team You Can Trust, click here to read the third and final article of our three-part Trust series!